Holiday Memories

It's that time of year once again... when many of us struggle to overcome the hurts of Holidays past so we can fake a smile through Holidays present and survive to Holidays future…

For many, the holiday season brings joy; while for others it brings pain...  Every memory, tradition, relative, and friend has "baggage" carried along with them; both good and bad as this baggage is,it is still there; and it will be with you for as long as you choose to carry it.

We all have our reasons/excuses for putting up walls and pretending that things are fine ... hoping/praying that if we believe hard enough than the source of our misery will just cease to exist; but that is not what is best for us…

For a long time Thanksgiving was a time in my family when all the extended relatives on my dad's side would come together and we would share good food and memories.   About 8 years ago, this changed; as my grandmother spent the weekend and the weeks to come in and out of the hospital, dying...  I remember going to the hospital each night I was home from school; to visit her and play Christmas songs for her, all the while praying for that miracle that everyone with an ill loved one prays for…

The miracle I wanted I did not get; as she died just days before Christmas...  

Memories of my Grandmother are coupled with baggage,...   of the amazing, disciple she was...  of the tremendous faith and joy she radiated...  of the strength she demonstrated in the years of countless miracles she was part of while here with us on Earth....  of the pain we all felt when we were helpless to help her while she was dying...  of the loss and emptiness we felt when she was no longer there...  One of my fondest memories of her though is this: Only years after her double hemorrhage stroke she stood there in the living room of my parents house dancing with my grandfather...  Defying all odds, she danced; and I have a picture on my desk of the event to remind me everyday of the miracles Ha-Shem gives us even when all hope seems to be lost and even when we are not expecting it...  As I sit here revising what I wrote 3 years ago, then just under 5 years after her death, people she has never met, not even once, are to this day changed and affected by her walk with Ha-Shem...

Thinking about it in retrospect... while I did not get the miracle I wanted, I got the one I needed. My last visit to see her in the hospital, just before she was sent home on hospice... My Grandmother SANG! I can't even think to remember what song it was but only that over my own voice and over the guitar... SHE SANG!  The miracle of this is that for months she had not been able to even speak, but SHE SANG!!!.... years later now, and there are still people who spring to life at the re-telling of this memory... and lives that my grandmother never even met are changed by that same Vine whose branches bore fruit in her... does so in me... and likewise in so many others...

When I originally wrote this article, 3 years ago on Advent Sunday, I had just returned home from church and for the first time receiving a sense of that hidden magic of the season.  I drove to church and heard nothing but Christmas music the whole way there; and by the time I arrived, I was crying.  For the 5 years prior I had, in a way, carried hate and dislike for the season, because of what I lost - more baggage.  I was consumed by thoughts of how wonderful that weekend had been for me... about how peaceful the holiday seemed, even with all the baggage that I was only just then realizing that i had been carrying with me...  And listening to that Christmas music on the way to Church, reminded me of the marvel of what the holidays are all about.  "...For unto us a Child is born..."  Something that began over 5000 years ago, continuing on...

Every single trial boils down to this one thing... do you believe that Ha-Shem is big enough and powerful enough to accomplish all that He promised us He will?!?  Do you believe that Ha-Shem who carved you from His very flesh with the sword breathed from His very lips cloths you in the very feathers from His wings that it be remembered and realized once again,  “...  before I knit you together in thy mother’s womb, our souls danced indistinguishably from one another…” - this is the promise of a restored life through the Messiah promised to every generation of man that has ever walked the Earth…   the restored life we now live, bathed in the blood that tells the angel of death, “.. this one has already died…”

While I did not receive the miracle I wanted; I did receive other miracles; without which, I would not be here nearly 8 years later to give thanks and rejoice in this season of hope today. As was the case 3 years ago when i originally wrote this, this year we celebrated Thanksgiving with little more than immediate family.  Again, I was surprised with one of the most memorable thanksgiving weekends of my life.  In less than 2 weeks, it will mark 10 years since I met my wife and one month later we will be celebrating 4th wedding anniversary...  The miracles of Ha-Shem’s timing and the intricacies of His path and planning for us are such marvelous things; that when I look back at all the things I could have done differently, I find that there is no way I could bring myself to change them, given the opportunity; because of all the miracles I would have missed out on if I had.

So what memories are burdening you this holiday?  which ones are giving you  hope?  which ones are dragging you down? and which ones are driving you on?  we all have baggage; it is part of the human condition...  How have we dealt with it? how do we view it?  how do we move on, separating the good memories from the from the hurts and pains that tend to ruin our good cheer?

This is the miracle of the season, that we, in our depraved condition, are blessed with Hope...  Hope of a better life...  of Good things to come our way...   of a Redeemer...  of a loving “God”...  of fulfilled promises...  of memories to give us strength...  of a "light at the end of the tunnel"...  of family togetherness...  of the Kingdom of Heaven coming and becoming established in this world, on this Earth we all live on...

No, I may never be able to listen to a Christmas song again without shedding at least a tear; but the “God” of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, My Grandmother, and me shall always be here to give me good memories as a foundation to push onward toward the promises He has already given us...

Here is what I would like to see happen in each of us in the days to come: dig into your life, examine your story, highlight everything that would not have happened if not for Ha-Shem.  Write these things down, read them, speak them out loud to an empty room or to your neighbor.  As difficult as the journey has been; the account for how you ended up here today, for why you believe what you believe now, for all the events in which you have born witness to the power of the Almighty.  The testimony of His journey with thee is an incomprehensibly powerful weapon against our current situations; and it will surely strike down the greatest turmoil in order to expose the miracles of this holiday season.

Find a Memory, any memory, that is more powerful in your life than the depressing drudgery of everyday life.  Give this memory to Ha-Shem and let Him grow it into a mighty tree of Hope where you can find refuge in all the blessings, miracles, and promises that the He has in store for you.  They are there, should you choose to look…

We are priests, prophets, kings, leaders, role models, etc... It is all the places that you have been and all the things He has already done that will most definitely give you the drive and the ability to reach for that "impossible dream" that the Devil wants you to believe you will never reach... But Ha-Shem has already done all these things in your life; the battles He fought on your behest before you were even a twinkle - remember them; and take pride in all He has done and is doing…   As Moses, charge into the days ahead with your arms raised in worship; as Joshua, charge into the days to come with the call to worship sounding from thy lips; and as Daniel fear nothing when you are on your knees - for the Devil is on the prowl like a roaring lion and in your faith and prayer the lion’s mouth is held powerless.